I think your hook is good but I think it should be more enthusiastic. I wouldn't use "that's the sound of..." You could say sploosh, sploosh is the sound of... I think that would be better. I liked at the beginning that you used an onomoatopoeia though. That definitely caught my attention.
3 comments:
I think your hook is good but I think it should be more enthusiastic. I wouldn't use "that's the sound of..." You could say sploosh, sploosh is the sound of... I think that would be better. I liked at the beginning that you used an onomoatopoeia though. That definitely caught my attention.
i think it is a very good hook
I agreed pretty much with what aap18 said I liked ur onomoatopeia. It's a good hook so far.
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