NEWER PEALSE COMMENT AND HELP ME WITH ANYTHING LEFT OUT! =]
“The Day to Never be Forgotten”
“Have you ever heard the myth about the house on 72nd Street?” I questioned my best friend Naomi. “No, what’s so special about that house?” responded Naomi with a questioning look on her face. “As the myth always starts off with a whole family getting burned alive in a raging fire in their own house started by a guy named Steve McBrady a.k.a. The Flame.” I said with a fright in my voice. The story went on when we were sitting, watching TV in my house.
After Naomi had heard the whole story she wanted to visit the house to see the wondering ghost that everyone was always talking about. The day after I told the story we curiously went to the house and stood outside wanting to go in, but there was a sign outside the house that said, “NO TRESSPASSING, YOU WILL BE KILLED!” As always kids think that everything is a joke, so we slowly walked up to the door and as I was reaching for the knob, the door opened all by itself. It freaked us out a little bit but that didn’t stop us from going in the house. Once the door was open we looked around to find a two story house with a spiral stair case all made of stone. The house looked like it was once gorgeous, but now it was covered with cob webs and ashes from the flames. It still had a burning smell even though the fire was over a year ago. As we explored the house hand in hand we started hearing small child’s feet skipping around the house and giggling ha ha, he he. Woosh! As a gust of wind came by and shut the front door, like someone pushed it closed and locked us in. After the door slammed shut both of us ran to the nearest room, shut the door, and sat in the corner. With our hearts racing and thoughts running through our mind like a tiger running through the jungle. It sounded like the walls were talking to us saying, “get out while you can!” As we tried to quick think of ways to get of the house we find a window in the room that we were in, but we find out the only way we could escape was the way we came in. Since we were on the second floor we had to go back down stairs to get out. In the dust covered floor Naomi and I planed out an escape plan. First, we would look out the bedroom door and check for anything out of the ordinary. Second, we would creep down the hall to the stairs and from there third run like a wild animal escaping from the zoo to get the front door and out of the house.
When we finally got out of the house we were scared half to death and knew we would never go to a very fantastically, fearful, frightening hunted house again. Although we love hunted scary things that was one thing we didn’t and never will like. This was a day to never be forgotten.
“The Day to Never be Forgotten”
“Have you ever heard the myth about the house on 72nd Street?” I questioned my best friend Naomi. “No, what’s so special about that house?” responded Naomi with a questioning look on her face. “As the myth always starts off with a whole family getting burned alive in a raging fire in their own house started by a guy named Steve McBrady a.k.a. The Flame.” I said with a fright in my voice. The story went on when we were sitting, watching TV in my house.
After Naomi had heard the whole story she wanted to visit the house to see the wondering ghost that everyone was always talking about. The day after I told the story we curiously went to the house and stood outside wanting to go in, but there was a sign outside the house that said, “NO TRESSPASSING, YOU WILL BE KILLED!” As always kids think that everything is a joke, so we slowly walked up to the door and as I was reaching for the knob, the door opened all by itself. It freaked us out a little bit but that didn’t stop us from going in the house. Once the door was open we looked around to find a two story house with a spiral stair case all made of stone. The house looked like it was once gorgeous, but now it was covered with cob webs and ashes from the flames. It still had a burning smell even though the fire was over a year ago. As we explored the house hand in hand we started hearing small child’s feet skipping around the house and giggling ha ha, he he. Woosh! As a gust of wind came by and shut the front door, like someone pushed it closed and locked us in. After the door slammed shut both of us ran to the nearest room, shut the door, and sat in the corner. With our hearts racing and thoughts running through our mind like a tiger running through the jungle. It sounded like the walls were talking to us saying, “get out while you can!” As we tried to quick think of ways to get of the house we find a window in the room that we were in, but we find out the only way we could escape was the way we came in. Since we were on the second floor we had to go back down stairs to get out. In the dust covered floor Naomi and I planed out an escape plan. First, we would look out the bedroom door and check for anything out of the ordinary. Second, we would creep down the hall to the stairs and from there third run like a wild animal escaping from the zoo to get the front door and out of the house.
When we finally got out of the house we were scared half to death and knew we would never go to a very fantastically, fearful, frightening hunted house again. Although we love hunted scary things that was one thing we didn’t and never will like. This was a day to never be forgotten.
3 comments:
i really like your story,but you need to give more details about what was happening around the house i love the begging of your story. you also need to tell us who naomi is.
With our hearts racing and thoughts running through our minds like a tiger running through the jungle. i like that simly allot. there is a lot of detail in your story i like it.
Love the dialogue at the beginning, but I would also like to know when/where you are as Naomi and the narrator are having this conversation. It will help imply what their relationship is a bit better (friends, sisters, etc.)
I also think the story stops short--more of a climax may be needed.
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